As I said before, I've typed birth stories for each of my children beginning with Ashlee. These stories are usually recorded within a few weeks, or at most months, within the birth. I like to make sure I capture all the details of every crowning event, mood, feeling, sensation, who was present, what was said, etc. during the birth, and although you think you'll never forget such details, memory of them seems to fade with time. I often find myself reading my children's birth stories on their birthdays, while I'm pregnant and anticipating another birth, or even just on a quiet night when I want to relive that sacred moment. There never fails to be some detail I've since forgotten that sparks the memory of, "Oh yeah, I do remember that," and then I feel like I am there all over again.
For me, childbirth is a glimpse into eternity. The veil between heaven and earth seems to be the thinnest during the birth of a child. It's as if heavenly beings are escorting that child right up to the door. It is fascinating to witness the divine attributes of a woman unfold, on a physical and spiritual level, as she is giving birth. The innate abilities we have been blessed with to cope with a task as demanding as labor never cease to amaze me. I truly believe a laboring woman is assisted by the powers of heaven. In fact, those exact words were used in a blessing I received before the birth of Noah, "may you have the powers of heaven with you." I didn't fully comprehend the meaning of them at the time, but after the birth I knew they had been fulfilled. At no other time in life have I felt so weak yet strong, so submissive yet empowered, so terrified yet in a such a state of awe and anticipation of what lies ahead.
Perhaps the best gift that has come to me as a result of recording and sharing my experience with labor and birth is the satisfaction of inspiring other women to have the same opportunity. Nothing excites me more than to hear another woman, after having previously had a medicated birth or of not being aware of the option of natural birth, recount her own story of natural birth and the empowerment that comes to her after being inspired by stories of those who have gone before her. I believe birth is special no matter how or where it takes place, but there is something sacred about being able to tap into the natural resources God has given us to bring a child into the world. I hope I am able to convey at least a portion of what I felt through sharing this story.
Birth Story IV
Kaitlyn's Birth
My due date was January 10th, 2008. This was the day of Jacob's 4th birthday. I knew she would come sooner, at least I hoped. On Saturday the 5th, I took the kids on a 3 mile bike ride, while I pushed Noah in the jogger stroller. We went up some long, steep hills. It was very windy and foggy that day, and the walk was quite strenuous. Later that afternoon, Lisa Perillo came over to visit, and as we were talking in the kitchen, I paused for a couple of moderately strong contractions. Looking back, that was the moment I knew pre-labor had begun. Later in the evening, I reverted to nesting mode and frantically began laundry (I needed clean towels and underwear!) I finished right around midnight, then went to bed.
On Sunday we went to church as usual, and in Relief Society I shifted in my chair, as I was now feeling the contractions in my lower back. I bore my testimony in Sacrament Meeting, and later on a couple of women told me, "You're going to have your baby soon!" Little did they know how soon. We put the kids to bed, and Forrest wanted to stay up a little later with me. However, I felt tired, and part of me knew that if I didn't go to bed, I'd pay for it. We lay down around 10:00p.m. Right around midnight, I awoke to a scene I will never forget. Ashlee and Jacob were at my bedside, telling me they had both just thrown up. I jumped up and followed them both into the bathroom. Ashlee was getting sick, again, and Jacob was just standing there crying. It was at that moment that I noticed my first real labor contraction. My first thought was, you've got to be kidding! I stripped the kids of their clothes, threw their blankets into the washer, and tucked them back into bed. I lay back down in bed and tried to fall back to sleep, but was soon awakened again by the sound of feet scrambling to the bathroom. This continued throughout the night, intermingled with contractions spaced 5-10 minutes apart, strong enough to keep me from falling back to sleep. At one point, out of sheer desperation, I thought, I am going to go to the hospital and have this baby!
Around 5:00 a.m. I decided to make a decision. I got up, went downstairs, and called my mom. She answered, and I said through tears, "Mom, I'm in labor and the kids are throwing up. I need you, I can't do this alone." She told me she'd be right over. After that I came upstairs and woke Forrest. I will never forget how he sat up, fully awake and energized, and said with a smile, "We are going to have our baby today." Seeing him so confident and excited gave me renewed strength. It was then that I reaffirmed to myself, okay, I can do this. We went downstairs together and I called Marlene. She answered, sleepily, and I told her I'd been having contractions five minutes apart. By this time it was about 5:30 a.m. She asked if I felt like I wanted them to come right now, and I said, "I don't know, maybe within an hour." After I hung up, I had one more contraction in the living room with Forrest holding me, and when it was over I said, "Call Marlene back and tell her to come sooner than later!"
Marlene, Kaleem, and my mom all arrived around 6:00 a.m. I had had a few contractions sitting on the bed, and now I was in the bathroom, kneeling over the toilet. Psychosomatically, I was feeling slightly nauseated at the peak of each contraction. At one point I actually gagged into the toilet like I was going to get sick, but I think it was just that I was tired (and paranoid from cleaning up after the kids all night.) Marlene asked if I wanted them to set up the birthing tub. I wasn't sure how far along I was, and I didn't want the water to get cold. She said, "Let's check you and see." I stood up, and Kaleem knelt down and listened to the baby's heartbeat with the Doppler. Then I lay down on the bed for Marlene to check my cervix. This was quick and painless, and she reported, "Well, you're at about a 7." I don't think I responded quite as excitedly as she expected me to, probably because of my anxious anticipation of transition. I knew all too well what lay ahead. She immediately began filling up the tub at the foot of our bed, and I resumed my place on the bathroom floor, resting my head on a folded towel placed on the toilet seat. For this labor, I felt very inclined to be in a kneeling position. Never once did I lie down. I could feel Kaitlyn's head exerting pressure with each contraction, as her head was positioned very low, and to lie down would've been counterproductive. Staying in an upright position gave me a feeling of control. I moved over to my bedside and had a few more contractions. After leaving the bathroom, I remember walking over towards the tub, longing to climb in, and seeing it only several inches full. Marlene stated, "I'm filling it as fast as I can." At this point, my mom, who had left the room, appeared in the doorway and stated that someone was here to see me. It was Brother Reed and Brother Madsen, whom Forrest had called earlier to give me a blessing. I told my mom to tell them it was too late, and to send them away. They came up anyways, feeling inclined to give the blessing. As soon as I saw them entering the room, I said, "Make it quick!" Miraculously, my contractions ceased while they were giving the blessing (or their timing was impeccable,) and no sooner did they descend the stairs than I had a pushing-urge contraction. I was being rather vocal, and I suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to take all my clothes off. I think this was my body's way of saying, get ready, the baby's coming!
The tub was finally ready, and Forrest and I climbed in together. Someone brought Ashlee and Jacob into our room and set them on the foot of the bed, overlooking the birth tub. My water had not yet broken and I knew Kaitlyn's head was right there, but I had not yet mustered up the strength to begin pushing. I reached in to break my bag of waters, but was unable. Marlene said she would try to get it, but then said that her head was ready to come out, and there was no need to break the water. Within a couple of good pushes, her head came out, to which I responded, "Oh, thank goodness." I knew the hard part was over, and relief flooded my exhausted body. The next contraction brought the rest of her body out, and to the surprise of us all, the bag of waters was still intact! Marlene told us that this was a sign of luck across all cultures. I reached down and lifted her slippery little body out of the water and onto my chest, and Marlene gently peeled the membranes over her head and off her body. We sat there in the water admiring our little princess, and then climbed into bed after the placenta was delivered. The first thing I noticed about Kaitlyn was her long feet! She surprised me by being even smaller than her brother at 6lbs. 12oz. Someone brought Noah into the room, and we all cozied up in bed together as the morning light began to come in through the window. She had been born at 7:21 a.m. The midwives continued on with their usual routine of cleaning up, starting laundry, and making tea. All my fears of the previous night had vanished as we relished in the love and spirit that our precious baby girl had brought into our home. My love for homebirth was rekindled all over again! I know that things played out the way they did for a reason, for had the kids not been sick, I may not have called my mom until after the birth. She was in awe over the experience, and I was grateful to have her there. Kaitlyn's birth was nothing short of a miracle, as were the births of all my children. I am so amazed by this wonderful and sacred power that Heavenly Father has given to women, and I wouldn't trade the experience, or the children I've been blessed with, for anything in the world.
