riptide
n 1: a stretch of turbulent water in a river or the sea caused
by one current flowing into or across another current
That is the word I am using to describe the way I feel this week. The post-birth high has well worn off and fatigue is creeping in like a riptide.
Three weeks is the amount of time it has taken for my body to fully realize the effects of little sleep and providing constant nourishment for a new person.
The mind is a little bit foggy. Before I had Rachel, I told myself that if I could just endure this time, it would pass, but now I am in the thick of it and looking for a way out.
I love time with a new baby, but I am more looking forward to a full night's sleep and a little more independence. I am not the type of person who does sitting easily, so this time is always a challenge for me. My patience grows a little more with each one, but it's still a struggle. I am a mover and shaker by instinct.
In a perfect world I would hold my baby in my arms all day, sleep when she sleeps, and have meals brought to me. But that is not real life with five children. Real life is cradling baby in one arm while pushing a vacuum with the other, or praying that Rachel will be content long enough for me to take a shower and put on make up.
Real life is knowing that there is never enough time, or patience, in a day. Real life is knowing that childbirth is a sacred, celestial event experienced in a mortal, terrestrial world. Real life is expecting that just when your baby does fall peacefully asleep on her own, your two year old will come barging in the door crying because one of her brothers just made her get hurt, and wake her up.
The author of a book I once read states that she believes hormones could be the bridge between the physical and spiritual world. That struck a chord in me when I read it, and has remained with me ever since. It would explain the elation a woman feels just prior to and immediately after giving birth. If that is the case, then I guess now is the time I am being released into a less heavenly sphere. Hormones in a mother, the same ones that are released in a "cocktail" to provide an optimum birth experience, decrease rapidly after birth and continue to do so over the six weeks postpartum.
I know all this and am okay with it, but sometimes knowing doesn't make it any easier. I know lots of moms who are a mere weeks away from giving birth, but as for now, I am in the trenches alone. This too shall pass, and I hope to be a better mother because of it. In the meantime, I'll continue to pray for just enough strength and patience to meet the demands of each new day.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Riptide
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Oh Lisa I have been thinking about that the past few days and remembering how hard it is. It is the same for me right about 3 weeks pp it hits.
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone and if you ever need someone to talk to please call. I will not judge since I have been there and really some days I am there.
It really is amazing how much talking can help. The other day you really helped me just by being a friend and listening to me.
Oh yes...the transition period. It is not easy. I too have a hard time with this period, from around 3 weeks until 3 months.
ReplyDeleteYou totally already know this, but it is helpful to be reminded that this IS temporary. It won't always be like this. Sometimes when we're in the thick of things, it's hard to shake yourself and remember that your hormones and fatigue are playing tricks on you. Life isn't always this crazy. :)
If anyone can do it, Lisa, you can! I am costantly amazed by your strength, faith and knowledge. You are inspiring and I am lucky to call you a friend.
ReplyDeleteI still need to take your kids for a couple hours like I promised a few weeks ago. Maybe sometime tomorrow or Thursday?
Hang in there, Lisa. I always like the image of hanging on to Jesus' coat tail when you feel overwhelmed. Let him lift you up, and just be content with every little good moment, because there are a lot of them when you pay attention. I can't wait to see you in a couple weeks, and hopefully help some.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very hard time with a new baby and other little ones, and you didn't expect any less. It is very, very, VERY hard being in the thick of it. Remember to just settle for "good enough" for right now. :-)
Lisa, I always look at you and think you're such a wonderful mom and could never imagine you being impatient or frustrated by anything! You are such a good example to me of letting the spirit guide you in your everyday life! That being said I hope that this time passes quickly for you and my thoughts and prayers will be with you! Also, thank you so much for your sweet words about Joe and I singing on Sunday, it means a lot to hear!
ReplyDeleteThe PP "high" and it's coming down period. Ugh! I'm sorry. I'm glad you posted about it. It's good to let it out honestly. Adam is home all week next week so it would be very easy for us to take the kids to the park for a while! If you would like us to, then let's make plans. And who wants to fold Lisa's laundry....NIKKI DOES!!! Call me! I can fold, you can sit or sleep or take a shower! Sounds like a party to me :)
ReplyDeleteHang in there Lisa...you are so strong!
Oh Lisa---believe it or not, I truly envy you. Yes, these times are challenging, but they are so very precious. Hold on to them. My two year old, who always knew when baby brother was awake (and how may I ask?) is now graduating from high school. (Your little 6'4" brother!) I would love to hold on to him, but I know that this is what moms and dads are meant to do - raise them to be their own person. I had no idea how hard this could be - to let go. So, I try to step back, but at the same time I'm not quite ready to cut the apron-string entirely. Your blog reminds me of the many days spent on the sidelines watching my boys with little sister in her stroller. Thank you for that! Savor your time with your little ones even though you have no idea how you can hang on to your sanity! Trust me, you will!
ReplyDeleteLove, Candy