Tuesday, November 13, 2012
The Good and Bad of it
So today marks my 7 1/2 (th?) week of pregnancy. We were able to hear the heartbeats for the first time today at our 2nd ultrasound, which brought sweet relief. I don't know why but after my last ultrasound I felt substantially less nauseated the following day and have since been worrying that something could've happened to one of the twins. I guess I've let myself listen to one too many horror stories (conspiracy theories?) on the effects of early ultrasounds on the young fetus. Anyhow... The good news is this: I had one weekend of horrible, intense, wretched sickness that had me trembling, pleading, and crying... and have had really nothing since. Of course I am more tired than usual, and some days I never get out of "lounge" mode, but on the whole for being almost 8 weeks I feel surprisingly good. Typically 8 weeks is the peak of my first trimester and if I am going to feel really sick that is the time. Okay, for the bad. From literally 3 days post-transfer (they transferred 5 day old embryos, so approx. 3 weeks pregnant) I have had this insatiable appetite. So long as I am eating, I do not feel sick. And let me tell you, I can eat. It's as if from the moment the embryos implanted my body said, "We're being invaded... eat!" It is not unusual for me to combine two meals in one, like when I had spaghetti and chef salad for dinner the other night because they both sounded good, or to eat a full meal and be hungry two hours later. I have discovered that a full tummy keeps the nausea at bay. So, I eat. The down side to this is that I have gained almost 10 pounds already. Combined with the fact that I am not running, this is just what my body wants to do. In other news, I signed the boys up for public school today. As much as I hated to swallow my pride I had to admit that I was not able to do it all... homeschool 3 kids, take care of 3 more, keep the house in liveable condition, doula training, CBE course... oh and did I tell you that I'm a wife? something had to go. I don't think I will ever say I think it's the "right" decision or the "best" choice, because the truth is I *want* to homeschool, but the truth is none of us is very happy in the current situation and a change was needed. I do think there will be many positive experiences and opportunities in store for them. I find myself not letting myself get as "excited" about this pregnancy as any of my own. Maybe that goes without saying. After we heard the heartbeats today and the doctor left the room, I looked at Forrest with a smile and said, "Wasn't that neat?" All he could say was, "Let's get out of here, I need to get to work." It just kind of solidified the fact that these babies are not really mine to get excited about and at the end there will not be the same kind of reward. I guess I can see where he was coming from. At the same time, I will put my love and energy into them for 9 months, and look forward to birthing them. It is a blessing all around but it is also an act of service. It is the gift of giving life. I have my first prenatal with the midwives scheduled in 3 1/2 weeks. It will be a milestone to be released from the care of the IVF doctor and into the hands of someone I know and trust. I will also come off all medications at that time. The plan is to birth these babies at home, which is written into our contract. :) Of course I am keeping open to whatever and taking it one step (month? trimester?) at a time. Here's to a seamless first trimester and new adventures in public school. Here's to days in the classroom, a cleaner house, and a decompressed mom. Here's to a healthy pregnancy and successful birth. Come what may and love it.