14 Weeks

"That's just not a 13-week bump."

So they all said. The midwives, the apprentice, friends who were at the Relief Society party the night before it happened. I did seem to suddenly pop out about a week ago, going from not even looking pregnant to quite pregnant seemingly overnight. Now I know why! It was a twin belly. My 13 week uterus was measuring at 16 1/2 weeks. I expect growth to slow down now.
Friday morning I went for a light 2.75 mi. jog, after having taken about a month off from running. I came home, made some breakfast, and felt especially tired afterward. So, while the kids were doing school work, I sat down on the chair and took about a 20 minute nap. When I got up, I felt the familiar yet feared sensation of blood between my legs. "Hmmm, can't be," I reassured myself as I headed to the bathroom. What I saw was almost surreal at first, a sight every woman fears in pregnancy. Blood.

My first thought was what every woman's thought would be at a time like this: I am going to lose this baby, and this is the start of it. I left the bathroom, dropped to my knees, and prayed. I didn't want to panic- yet. Forrest was out of town and I was home alone with the kids, so I had to keep it together. However, after another trip to the bathroom and seeing more of the same, I was certain that this was it and nothing, not even Kaitlyn standing at my side, refrained the tears from coming- and hard. But here's the interesting part- right at this moment, a part of me knew that perhaps this was a twin. I clung to the idea that my baby would be okay.

I rested, and made the phone calls. First Forrest, then the midwives. Then came the call from an inspired friend whom I swear as my guardian angel as of late, and I spilled the beans to her. After several trips to the bathroom the bleeding seemed to have slowed, so I continued to rest. The midwives said I could come down later in the afternoon to check for a heartbeat. I had not had any prenatals as of yet, and I wanted to hear the heartbeat, whether it would be for the first or last time.

The afternoon passed, I called for a blessing, then it was time to go. I made a last-minute decision to put on a pad. I loaded up the kids, said another prayer, and headed down to Citrus Heights in the rain. My uterus was crampy the whole drive down, and I was gently rubbing it and trying to get it to release. This was the first time I had even taken notice of my uterus during the pregnancy, and now it just felt different. Heavy, bloated, crampy, and different. My head ached and I was nauseous (a good sign nonetheless, as at least I knew those pregnancy hormones were still going.) I walked in the door, entered the exam room, closed the door behind be, and felt a gush- followed by another one. Thank goodness for the pad. I laid down on the exam table and lifted my shirt. "That doesn't look like a 13 week uterus," was their observation. I just wanted to hear the heartbeat.

The kids set off playing with the toys, as usual, but they knew the reason why we were there. Marlene pulled out the doppler and placed it on my stomach. "This usually takes a few minutes..." but before she could finish a strong and steady rhythmic lub-dub echoed in the room and brought smiles to all of our faces. At this moment I looked down my feet at Kaitlyn and noticed she had stopped her playing and was focusing intently on the sound coming from the doppler. Okay, so that answers that. They pulled out the measuring tape and measured my stomach. 16 1/2 cm. Then they palpated. "This does not feel like a 13 week uterus."

They discussed the possible reasons for bleeding during pregnancy and sent me home with some lobilia tincture to ease the cramping while I waited out the weekend. I immediately scheduled an ultrasound for Monday.

The weekend passed without much tumult, other than the fact that I was incredibly tired and wanting desperately to keep this baby inside. I can not even describe the desperateness of that feeling after having come so close to losing it. My angel friend was kind enough to bring over a hospital grade doppler for me to borrow, and the sweetest moment came on Friday night as the kids gathered around the couch and we found the baby's heartbeat. I could've gone to sleep to it that night. I slept soundly, awoke Saturday and checked again. Still there, and I was even picking up movement. So how could one bleed that heavily during pregnancy and still have a baby inside? I was hoping Monday's ultrasound would give us more answers.

I arrived at the lab Monday afternoon, kids in tow, where I was met by my midwife's assistant and the apprentice. The ultrasound was quick and to the point, as they had squeezed me in on a moment's notice. I laid down on the table and lifted my shirt. "That's a cute bump, but it sure doesn't look like 13 weeks." Our first sight was baby #1 with a beating heart. Phew. The ultrasound tech took measurements of the head, which revealed a 14 week fetus. We watched for a while as I enjoyed fingers and toes flitting across the screen. He probed around a little more, and quickly spotted the culprit. Another sac filled with fluid and tissue. The assistant and the tech began conversing in a somewhat coded language as I lay and watched, picking up bits and pieces like "two to three inches" and "cells." I was really too focused on my baby to take note of much else. He printed a few pictures for us, a copy of the DVD, and we were on our way with the instructions to come back at 24 weeks.

I really left feeling relieved instead of at a loss. From what I understand the second fetus was never viable to begin with and, in my translation, not meant to be. It was the "twin that wasn't." I had my heart set on one healthy baby, and one healthy baby I have. The fetus/mass/cell-cluster is still in there, and apparently will be re-absorbed over time. This is a little concerning to me, but from what I understand in these scenarios baby #1 remains perfectly healthy and what will manifest of baby #2 is evidence of where the sac was attached to the placenta at birth along with any remains of the fetus. In other words, we can expect to face this again at the birth. Until then, I am relieved and grateful, a little unsettled, and will proceed with caution. I guess it wouldn't be a last pregnancy if it didn't go out with a bang! I always felt deep down that I would end with two little boys, but maybe God knew 6 would be a better number for me. I feel complete, I am hopeful, and rest assured knowing that all is exactly how it should be. Hurray for a healthy (sshhh... boy!) and the second trimester!