Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Getting Better

So I know it's early in the week, but so far things seem to be getting better. I definitely felt more balanced today. Tommy and Vera came over and gave us a Family Home Evening lesson last night, which was a God-send. Having them here eased my burden so much and gave me something to look forward to despite Forrest being gone. Vera held the baby during dinner, and afterward they helped with clean-up and getting the kids ready for bed. She does not yet have kids of her own, but when she does I can't wait to repay her.
We started our school day today with a timed writing assessment for both Ashlee and Jacob. For Jacob this was like pulling teeth at first, but getting started is always the hardest part and once he got into his story the rest was pretty smooth sailing. We have our first meeting with our new ST, Travis, tomorrow. Jacob's story was about a pair of magic shoes, and Ashlee's was a fictional autobiographical narrative about getting a new job.
For this girl, writing is not a problem. There's never a lack in the self-motivation department (sometimes an overabundance, but never a lack.)
In addition to our busy week, Ashlee is preparing for her first craft fair to be held this Saturday at Light of the Hills Church. Here she is pricing all of her items.
And what does a 3 year old do in the middle of school work? Play "mom and dad" on the kitchen floor (this is the name of her and Noah's little role-playing game.)
I went for a 3 mile run tonight; my first in four weeks. Afterward I had energy to come home and clean the house after the kids were in bed. With Forrest being gone as much as he is, I am learning to outsource. I have a friend from church coming to take the kids tomorrow afternoon (at least a couple of them) and Vera is coming over again tomorrow night. This is uncharted territory for me, but to anyone who has or will suffer from any kind of depression, postpartum or otherwise, my advice would be this; don't go it alone. Reaching out has not been easy for me, but I came to a place last week where I realized I could not do it alone. I was afraid to be by myself. In a world of friends, family, ward family, neighbors, and other moms who have walked a similar road, there is absolutely no reason for anyone to suffer in silence. Calling on people has eased my burden so much, brought me out of dark times, and literally carried me through as if by angels. God humbles us to rely on each other. He doesn't want us to think we are strong enough to do it all on our own, and He doesn't want to deny others the blessing of service. At least that is what I have learned and am still learning from this experience. I knew having two babies close together would be hard, but I didn't know how hard. I never knew I would come to a place where my own thoughts and emotions would fail me. I have been in a tumultuous time not knowing up from down. In the worst case, I have friends who say they have suffered for up to a year postpartum. I think sleep is a big factor, and with Anthony chunking out at the rate he is, he should be sleeping through the night very soon now (I know he is capable.) At four months old, we are a third of the way there anyways. Through all of this I am still so grateful for each of the six children I have been blessed with. I came across a quote in one of my books that I have taken up as my guiding principle this week: "Never doubt in darkness what God has revealed in the light." This too shall pass, and I'd like to be able to say we all made it through in one piece. One day at a time, I will make it back to the light.

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