Ever get the feeling that you've been sheltered from the world? Welcome to the last 5 years of my life. Sometimes I wonder why I deprive myself of certain things. Anyways, my new love is The Fray, especially thier song "How to Save a Life."(this is a link, click on it!) I have been listening to it around the house for the last few weeks and it has been like food to my soul. Then I found the music video, and I fell even deeper in love. What is it about this song? What does it mean? I am not music saavy. Like I said, I've been a stay-at-home mom for the past 5 years. The most intellectual stimulation I get is when I am able to listen to the hymns from the adult hymn book rather than Primary songs. I don't know who this guy is, but this song does something to me. What does it mean to you?
As some of you know, my life changed drastically when I joined the church. Those of you who have only known me in the last 5 years wouldn't know this, but others do. I gave up a lot, and took on a lot. Don't get me wrong, I know I received blessings in return. It's just that I gave up EVERYTHING. However, lately I am feeling like if the pendulum swings so far in one direction, it only has one place to go... back the other way. Slow down now, I'm not thinking about doing anything drastic. I'm only saying that I miss some of the things that I gave up... like friends, fun, music, a social life, ME time... yes, WORLDLY things! Things that I had before. My question is this: is that a bad thing? Should I feel guilty? Because I do.
I doubt many people will read this (I'm not one of those bloggers that has, like, 140 followers) but I am just looking for different opinions. (If you read my blog anonymously, now is the time for you to come out of the woodwork.) I need change, I just don't know what kind. I am wanting one thing, but leaning towards another.
Thoughts, advice? Anyone? Anyone?
I love that song also. I think in life we need a balance between what we have to do and love to do. I do not know a better blessing than having children but I also know that I need time for myself. I need my own hobbies and interests. It helps me be a better mom. Church is wonderful and listening to church music in the home is great but it is also ok to listen to non-church music. My girls and I love to dance to music from the radio(I am still careful on what we listen to). I do not think what the things you wrote are worldly. Man is that Man might have joy. Have joy within reason. Get a babysitter and go dancing with your husband. As life changes we have to refind ourselves again and again. No go have some fun!!
ReplyDeleteHmmm...definately something to ponder, and I will and may have to get back to you, but what comes to mind at the moment is this:
ReplyDeleteWhen you are around your kids 24/7, do you not need a break in order to appreciate them more, and once you step away for a brief time ( even as brief as a few hours) you come back to see new things you never noticed before, even though they were in front of your face the entire time? You see what you did not see before, you are given clarity. You gain appreciation and perspective.
And second:
You slave over your house and all it's requirements, and all your efforts never fully satisfy, and you see every flaw in your home but can't figure out how to perfect them all-follow me here-but, when you leave your house for vacation, you come back and when you initially step into your home having been away from it, your first thought is how clean it seems and the flaws aren't apparent as they are when you have your nose in your housework all the time. You think, "why do I stress about this so much? This seems fine." In this case, you DO NOT see what you saw before, but in a good way. Again, you gain clarity and perspective and appreciation. What you have is "good enough" and not worth all the stress you put in to strive to make the un-important things "perfect."
What am I getting at? Am I getting at anything? Of course I am! Stepping back is not, NOT a bad thing, but a necessary thing in order to see things more clearly.
That's all for now:-)
I like the Fray too, but I'll have to listen to "How to Save a Life" again.
Roxanne-
ReplyDeleteYou are so dead on, you and I are one in the same. I have had both of those experiences (with the kids and with my house.) Sometimes I think that the effort I put into the house is not worth it, but when I've been gone for a while and walk into a clean home, I realize the feeling IS worth it. With the kids, I always find that when I get away for a much-needed "break," all I can do is think about them and I want to come home! How ironic. I must just not be seeing the big picture right now. Thanks for your insight.
Tiffany-
ReplyDeleteI really like the scripture you quote: "Men are that they might have joy." I'll have to remember that.
About the babysitting- is that an offer? (He,he.)
I think that these are feelings most moms have at some time or another. As a mother most of our lives are spent in a fairly selfless state. I find that it helps me to go on a girls night out every once in a while to feel like myself, without concern for my kids and be able to let loose a little and laugh and giggle with some trusted girl friends. It sounds silly, but it does wonders for me when I take the chance to do it. It unfortunatly is only twice a year or so. And don't feel guilty. It is wanting to have fun and fun is OK.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, well Lisa, you pose a common question(s) that I think many many women in our position (LDS/Christian stay at home moms) have. I think Roxanne has a very good point! Admittedly, Adam and I still feel a strong desire to go dancing (some of you are wondering what's wrong with that...um...well, we like techno dancing so yea, can't really visit any raves or clubs now can we). However, there is compromise...go ballroom dancing instead, go on a dinner date with another couple or two instead of a bar, dinner theater is fantastic and only 15 minutes away, sit on the patio of a cafe on a summer's evening and play scrabble (okay, maybe I'm the only one that would like that)...think of what it is you wish you could do and do something similar, but something that is within the bounds of our standards. Motherhood is the greatest calling and requires so much sacrifice, but I don't think we're expected to literally sacrifice our happiness or sanity to raise children...walking the straight and narrow is about balancing life (I think), not about extremes. By the way...I completely understand what you are saying. I cannot deny that I do not miss a few of the "luxuries" I had before I joined the church but then I remember that those "luxuries" did nothing to help me progress as a person, mild as they were. You MUST have some "me" time! Listen to your sister! Good advice!
ReplyDeleteThere's not really anything to say that hasn't already been said. But I'll go on anyways....hahahah
ReplyDeleteEven our children need time that they call their own either with Mom and Dad or just their friends, but apart from that UNIT now and then. We teach our babies to play with others but then also how to play on their own sometimes for a reason. Why would we be any different?
I love music....though, when i listen to popular music a lot it actually depresses me...lol. (If you can figure that out I'll pay you thousands of dollars) Doesn't matter what genre, country, pop, rap, R&B, techno...its all the same in how it makes me feel after a few hours of listening. I can only take it in very very small doses. My point? Find your balance and then run with it and savor it.
I liked Nikki's comment a lot and will be pondering what I miss sometimes and try to re-create them within the bounds of our standards. That was a good way to word that.
Thank you to everyone who commented. Each and every one was read carefully and appreciated. As a disclaimer, I attribute (a portion) of what I wrote to a female dilemma. Does anyone else notice their pre-menstrual symptoms getting stronger with each baby and age? I can almost predict within the hour when good 'ol aunt flow is going to drop in for a visit. (Sorry if this is TMI for some of you, just didn't want anyone worrying too much about me.)
ReplyDeleteHey darling...you think PMS is bad, wait until Menopause decides to start in!! Then it is a whole other world and dilemas. Just remember, we need to take care of ourselves first before we can take care of others. We are not on this earth to be alone. It is a journey to be shared, not only with our spouse, or children, but with others. It is a time of learning, growing, discovering, and sharing. You talked of your light...we need to do what we can to make sure we have the oil in which to keep it burning. There are so many ways in which we can find joy and support. It comes from home, family and friends....God has given us so much to enjoy and to experience...and we are the example to those around us, whom ever that may be, but especially to our children. As we encourage them to take part in activities to increase their skills and abilities, we need to do the same for ourselves and our relationship with our spouse! I love you and apprecialte ALL that you are doing for your family...just don't forget yourself!
ReplyDeleteThanks Cathe, that meant a lot to me. I just had this epiphany today that I do need to be the example to my children, and if I want them to (be happy, enjoy life, self-care, fill-in-the-blank) I need to be doing those things myself. I feel like I have given so much of myself over the past few years that now I need to take back a little (I think I depleted my resources.) Thank you for your insight.
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