Do you ever feel like your blessings become trials?
Life seems so busy, I'm afraid that if I slow down I'll get run over.
Sometimes I feel inadequate to be doing the job I've been given.
At the end of each day, no matter how exhausted I may be (which is VERY lately) I am filled with a determination to do better the next day.
Despite the fact that I make (many) mistakes on any given day, I can only hope that I am moving (inching, maybe?) in the right direction.
No matter how hard the day, children always go to sleep at night. Always take the time to peek in on them and be reminded that they ARE angels.
I have realized that it is possible to cry tears of gratitude, grief and despair all at the same time (usually when all I really need is a good night's sleep.)
Kind of like labor, no matter how much you build yourself up for it or try to talk yourself around it, you eventually have to go THROUGH it. (This applies to the postpartum period, raising children, or any other challenge we are called to go through.)
And thankfully, the sun always rises.
I know it can be tough, Lisa. You know you aren't alone, and I was going to tell you that you will get there, but you are there. YOu are in a great time in your life. You are just exhausted from taking care of so much-a new infant alone is exhausting in itself, and you have 4 more on top of that. Give yourself some credit! So, the place you will one day get to is: more sleep, less nursing, more help, fewer blowout diapers, more you time, and, I'll repeat, MORE SLEEP (perhaps the most important thing). Until then, just focus on all the good things in a day, roll with the punches, dismiss all the other stuff (you ARE justified to do that) and know that this time will be over in a blink, whether you are ready for it to be over or not. :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Roxanne. That helps immensely.
ReplyDeleteLisa!! You are AMAZING! I was about to cry last night because I asked Jarom what was wrong with him in a really mean way. I had just told him not to tease and before I could even finish he was teasing. Drove me bonkers. And I also said grow up. I wish so bad I could take those things back. I don't want him to think something is wrong with him and I surely don't want him to grow up. I wish more than anything I could be the perfect mom, always loving and kind with the perfect reactions. But the truth, I'm so far from it. And I have to ask for forgiveness every night, even from my kids. I just want them to know I love them more than anything. I can't believe how much you do. You have always been such a great example to me. Your kids are so lucky. You guys are truly loved and blessed. And I'm so glad I have you in my life, even if it is just through blogs these days. Hopefully we will see each other next month. Can't wait xoxo love you.
ReplyDeleteLisa - Hang on! How many times did I sit on the living room floor and cry from shear frustration and tiredness, and yes - guilt - because I felt that I had not done enough as a wife and mother? I had 3 little ones and 2 teenagers and a husband who worked 24/7 so I could be home. How could I keep going? How could I get control?
ReplyDeleteYou just do. Because that's what loving mothers do. (And you are a VERY loving mother.) They say a prayer to the Lord, take and deep breath and look into the eyes of their little ones and know that it will be okay because our little angels love us even though the dust builds up and the dishes are not done. Someday soon there won't be all of those dishes and toys spread out. This also will bring joy and a proud sense of accomplishment watching your child grow, graduate from high school and college and watching your grandchildren be born.
Every step of the way is challenging and rewarding. Remember - just look into the eyes of your little angel and see the love and trust that will be yours forever!
And - - from great grandmother who is 92 - you will catch up on your sleep!