Perspective

As I was driving around last night, I got to thinking about perspective. Sometimes it takes physically removing myself from a situation (like home) to really see things for how they are. I feel like I have much to be happy about right now: my pregnancy has been pretty awesome, I feel good about my eating habits, I have been keeping up with my house (for the most part,) our homeschool is running efficiently, and all the kids are at great ages. I have things I am looking forward to being that this is our last baby. Despite all of this, somewhere deep in the back of my mind I am holding onto this seed of fear that in just a few short months, all of this is going to change.

I know by now that life with a new baby poses its challenges. A new mother sacrifices sleep, hormones, normalcy, alone time, a clean house, time with a spouse and other children, freedom, mobility, time to exercise- all those things that, for now, are what are making me happy. Whenever a new baby is about to enter the scene, I find myself dwelling on the anticipation of these losses.

That is when it occurred to me- it is all about perspective. We know that in the scope of Eternity, this life is but a short moment. If we can take this concept and apply it to other challenges in our lives- be it a nauseating first trimester of pregnancy, an illness, financial struggles, a difficult child, the postpartum period- I think it would help us to feel at peace with the situation.

I tried to look at the big picture, and found that the one thing I do have going is that Anthony is due June 9th, which is shortly after our school year ends. This means I will have the whole summer to enjoy the postpartum period- no waking up early and struggling to nurse the baby, get myself ready, and get the kids going on their school work. I can let them wake up to a leisurely morning of cartoons and cereal instead while I take my time getting ready, and that will be okay. I anticipate long days of outside play and plenty of sunshine. By the time the new school year starts, and I have 3 children to homeschool (as Noah will be starting Kindergarten,) Anthony will be almost 3 months old and much more sustainable.

Okay, on to the exercise. This is a big one for me. Initially I had planned on training for my first half-marathon come Fall. Then I was hit with this ginormous reality check of this being my last baby, and thought why? Why would I waste that precious time, only to later regret it? So now I am going to wait. This will be the first time that I do not have another pregnancy to anticipate, so I think that will help me to sacrifice the time needed for my body to recover, and to just enjoy my baby. (Make no mistake, though, I have big plans to pursue running.)

As far as the clean house, I am working on that right now. As of recently, the kids have really been able to take on much more in the way of chores, from sorting laundry, to vacuuming, to cleaning their bedrooms and bathroom, to picking up toys, setting and clearing the table, and doing dishes. My plan is to have in place, well before Anthony arrives, a detailed chore flip-chart for the kids to refer to when they are asked to do a chore. This will eliminate the nagging, explaining, and need for do-overs. This has been in the works mentally for quite a while, and all that is left to do is put it attractively into hard-copy.

All that aside, I know that the blessed yet trying time with a new baby will be but a short moment. In fact, this phase of life with young children is all just a moment- and don't we want to enjoy it all? I've always thought it funny how when we look back on different times in life, we only seem to remember the good. All those unpleasant memories seem to sift to the bottom while the fond ones rise to the top. I don't think I will ever look back and remember "that day" when I wish I didn't have dirty dishes in the sink, or that my kids' beds were made. I think I will remember the times that I laid down with them at night, or sang them songs, or was present in the moment to witness a look on their face or laugh at something funny they said. It is so sad to me how often I don't really realize great things my kids have said or done until the end of the day when they are asleep, and then it's too late to be in that moment with them.

So this is my hope, and my aspiration, that I will not be run down by the mundane, the temporary, the trying moments to come, but that I will remember the way I feel right now, today, when I know that all will be okay. And maybe, when we're there, it would do us well to remind each other of that, too.