Leap of Faith

As I was driving down Hazel tonight during rush hour traffic, I was reminded of the time several years back when I quit my job. We had just had Jake, who was about 2 1/2 months old at the time, Ashlee was 4, and we had just moved back from Washington. Forrest was managing a restaurant and painting houses on the side while I waited tables. It was what we had to do to make ends meet, and I knew no other way.

However, that night was different. As I struggled through traffic to make it to my shift on time, the thought hit me: "This is not worth it." There is something about going in to wait tables with (pardon me) leaky boobs that call for your baby that just feels so... unnatural. My kids needed me, I needed them, and now as a mother of two I decided it was time to take this parenting business seriously... right then and there. I veered off my path, looped back over the freeway, and headed back up towards home. My manager would get a call from me later that night- I could not even afford a two week notice.

It was a leap of faith, and I still remember the invigorating feeling I had taking it. Something deep inside of me said, "This is right." I did not know where I would go from there, what we would do, or what Forrest's reaction would be, but I knew that I was not supposed to continue on to work that night. I had a much greater calling to be home with my kids, and that was right.

As I was reliving this tonight, it got me thinking how much of parenting requires a leap of faith. One of the hardest things for me to hear is, "I would love to have more kids, but we just can't afford it." Since when does money supersede the miracles of God? It's been my experience that God has a pattern- He makes the call, then opens the door. Sometimes faith requires us to go where there is no light, and trust that the light will follow. It is not His plan for us to see all that is before us, otherwise, where is the demonstration of our faith?

Forrest will often say that if it were not for the kids that we have, he would not have the work that he does. We are both well aware of the blessings that have come into our lives from heeding the call to raise God's children. The scriptures make it clear that "Children are an heritage of the Lord," and who in this day would deny an inheritance? We have had our share of trials in raising five children on a limited income, but we can both attest to that fact that doors do open. And when I hear my children compare notes about how many kisses they're going to give Anthony when he comes out, I know we've done something right.

This concept can also be carried over into other venues we've taken such as homebirth and homeschooling. I still remember the night that I lie in bed reading the scriptures, and one scripture in particular resonated the fact that homebirth was right for us. You know when you know. Then there was the time I prayed for help with a specific problem with one of my children and homeschooling was the answer. Although it made no sense at the time and I could not see the way, it has grown into something much bigger and better than I ever could've imagined or created with my own plan and intentions. And the fleeting moment of fear with my first homebirth was quickly enveloped with the warm realization that this was the way God intended my births to be. Similarly, it is growing and evolving into something much bigger and better than I ever could've imagined. It all started with an inspired leap of faith.

No one will ever spend their last moments wondering about the balance in their checking account, or wishing that they would've made more money. They will call in their loved ones. Why, then, should we not "put (our) trust in that spirit which leadeth to do good," follow our hearts, and heed every call that requires a leap of faith? There is a much greater plan than our own.